I'm convinced that human beings didn't evolve to sit around all day and be super introspective about long term goals. Here's some random thoughts that might help you: If I won't see any improvements in my internal feelings until the end of the year, I'm going to meet a psychologist. I'm preparing for new way of meditation that is connected with affirmations binaural beats and letting go, but I also want to know your point of view. I just don't care a lot about other people, but I know that I have to feel love and compassion to find internal peace. I often can't be present, because I make a lot of calculations and predictions in my head, make future plans and I really like doing it, but I think's it's harmful in the long term. I've already cut my drinking by ~90%, mostly because I was seriously sick (mononucleosis), but I think that this sickness saved me from alcoholism. I feel relaxed when I'm drinking or playing, but it's not literally relaxing, it's more like escapism. I can't enjoy the nice weather, I can't enjoy beauty of nature, it's sometimes even hard to enjoy spending time with my girlfriend. Actually, I feel bad when I'm doing almost ANYTHING that isn't related to my "higher goals". I feel bad when I wake up too late, when I caught myself on procrastinating, it's also so annoying to me how much things I have to do daily that are not related to my "higher goals" like cleaning, cooking, laundring etc. I have a feeling that day is definitely too short. I learn programming, I learn trading on market, I read about self development, spiritural development, mindfulness, I do bodyweight training etc. I spend a lot of time on reading and learning. I want to leave a valuable mark in this world (probably in IT section, but who knows)Īs you can see, I'm quite ambitious person. I want to be totally healthy until the end of my life
I want to earn enough money to buy myself freedom (retire before 50) I have constant feeling that my time on Earth is limited. I will explain you what is happening in my head. I have problems with my digestion no matter if I'm eating healthy or not, I can't see beauty of everyday life and I just can't relax. It's terrible, honestly, especially in a long-term. You know that feeling when you have to say something in front of group of people? I feel it almost all the time. I'm really into mindfulness and meditation and when I became more aware of my internal feelings, I realized there is a constant tension inside my body near my stomach and chest.